New Gamertag. New Me. Buckle Up.

At the end of last year, I abandoned video games for a while. Sure, I would still poke my head into World of Warcraft, and I sank about twenty hours into Burnout:Paradise, Grand Theft Auto IV, but for the most part, I put video games at arm's length in order to focus on my screenplay. With the first draft finished in June, I have slowly returned to video game land. Blissfully. Reconnecting with the strategic part of my brain that determines running routes in Halo 3, Star Power timing in Guitar Hero, or character decisions in Mass Effect has been like coming home. While I am glad to have made the more important things a priority, my time as the prodigal son of video gaming has forced me to come to terms with the fact that, for better or worse, playing video games is one of my favorite hobbies. Long may I play, Dear God, long may I play.

Sadly, my homecoming was not meant with universal joy. Microsoft, for one, was not eager to see me again. Apparently there were nonplussed by my decision to leave because it also included a decision not to pay them. In reply, they cancelled-- "irrevocably cancelled" my XBox Live account and everything attached to it. Let us all enjoy a moment of silence for the gamer formerly known as ImpureAscetic.

RIP

You can click that link and see what once was and what is no longer. You cannot see that ImpureAscetic still has 2000 MS points floating around. But it does. I asked the Microsoft representative, "Why is all my information there, alive and well, and inaccessible to me for purposes of play? It's like my gamertag is in a glass cage, and we're waving at each other, but we're both fine."

"Don't think of it as a glass cage," the Microsoft rep said, pausing for effect. "Think of it as an open casket funeral. You can see the gamertag as it was, and you can wave to it, but it's stuck permanently how you left it."

I cracked up and conceded. Honestly, I'm embarrassed to want the account back so badly. I am embarrassed to have been taken in by Microsoft's fictional status marker, the Gamerscore. Will that number help me get a job? Will it improve my standing with friends and family? Will my girlfriend love me more because of it? No to all. It merely notes the investment of time and the quality of the time invested. It denotes memories of success (Little Sister Savior in Bioshock. Because I'm a goody-goody) and failure (the Long Road Ahead achievement in Guitar Hero II, for failing a song on Easy. Thank you, marijuana!). Considering that the people for whom the Gamerscore carries any weight are generally virgins under the age of 16, I suppose it's enough to have my virtual Lenin's tomb in place for my old account. Nevertheless, it's a ridiculous policy decision on Microsoft's part.

Even more frustrating is that all the gaming I've accumulated in 2008 has been on the PS3. I wouldn't mind pushing through Soul Calibur IV, GTA IV, or Burnout: Paradise for score.... but I'm not going to pay for the games again to do it. I guess I'll just have to work with what I have and build my score as God intended, little by little, bit by bit, forgetting the rotten corpse of my defaulted and dead Gamertag.

Old and busted: ImpureAscetic
New hotness: NervousWrecker